Oh Beth, what can I do?
by superflyse
Summary: There is one day where Rachel hate Noah Puckerman more than any other. The day when she watches Quinn break down every year, like clockwork. Written for Day 3 of Faberry Week with the prompt Beth.


**AN:** _So, this is my submission for day 3 of Faberry Week, with the prompt: Beth. _

_I'd like to thank my moose, Bec, who does all my editing and encouraging and general fangirling, sometimes she mixes it up with specific fangirling. Honestly, she's the best moose ever and I hope that my Finchel reference doesn't get me kicked out of the Faberry club. _

This is pretty angsty, so if you were hoping for fluff, this isn't the place to be.

* * *

Rachel lay in bed, watching the numbers of the clock slowly tick over, as the thoughts raced through her mind. Her first thought was that there was no day that she hated Noah Puckerman more. She hated him so much, and she knew that within the hour that he would make the first call to Quinn, and Quinn would ignore the phone ringing and go back to her hibernating, in her attempt to will the day away.

In 15 minutes, Quinn would wake up and groggily turn on the stereo to have it looped to play "Beth", with the KISS version, not the version that Noah recorded for her years ago. Rachel cringed every time she heard it because it was an awful thing to leave a baby with, 'I'm too busy with my band, so you'll have to make do by yourself.'

She thinks that is the only reason why Quinn allows herself to listen to it, because it can feed into her fears and beliefs that she abandoned Beth and left her on her own so that Quinn would be able to be a rockstar, or at least whatever the Quinn Fabray version of a rockstar is.

Before they got together, Rachel never knew about the formula. The same thing that happened every year without fail, Puck sought comfort from Quinn, Quinn tried to escape her pain by allowing herself one day to dwell on all that could have been. Rachel just did what she could for Quinn.

One night in her senior year of college there was a big NYADA showcase, where she was to perform, and Rachel sent tickets to Quinn, because she never missed a show.

Rachel was excited and internally, she dedicated every moment to Quinn, any kind of external dedicate would have interrupted the flow and her professors frowned up that. She couldn't see much of the audience because of the lights shining in her eyes, but she knew that Quinn was there clapping proudly.

Except, she wasn't.

Rachel had expected Quinn to be there with flowers or compliments that flowed so freely from her lips after a performance. But there was none of that.

She spent the entire night calling and leaving messages ranging from worry that she had been brutally murdered or that she had found someone else to just pure rage that she'd do that.

The next day she received a text message from Quinn "_I__'__m sorry, I told you I couldn__'__t go. Next time listen to what I say and don__'__t think I__'__m playing hard to get_."

Then she noticed the mass email from Shelby with the attached photo of Beth and her birthday cake. She normally hated these newsletters from Shelby, that mocked the smolders of her dreams for a mother, but right now she was grateful because she knew just why she had fucked up with Quinn.

Things worked out alright though, Quinn and Rachel made it and Rachel learnt to pay attention to the calender. Not that she needed it anymore, Quinn would get increasingly moody as the date got closer and all Rachel could do was hold her.

They'd been together for 12 years, married for 9 and never discussed children. She is fairly sure that it would break Quinn and she is too selfish to share Quinn like that, so it isn't an issue for them.

Time had clearly passed when she hears the first "Beth, I hear you calling but I can't come home right now". Quinn has shifted more into herself. Rachel realizes that it is time to escape her own head and be there for Quinn. She rolls over and puts her arm around her wife to be able to hold her securely. She used to try to comfort Quinn with words, but today is Beth's 18th Birthday. 18 years and the hurt isn't going to fade because Quinn knows that she did what was best for Beth, but logic doesn't make that pain go away.

She doesn't realize that 45 minutes has past when the phone rings. Quinn ignores it, so Rachel does too.

"I'm going to go make some breakfast, okay?" Rachel gently says, before placing a kiss on the top of Quinn's head, and she faintly hears the phone for the second time as she heads down the hall.

She bangs around the kitchen louder than she should as she starts to make breakfast, all things considered, but she hates that Quinn ran to Puck with her insecurities, that Puck didn't use protection, that the Fabrays couldn't just love their daughter with her mistake that lead to Beth's conception, that Shelby couldn't love her own daughter enough but needed to find a newer, younger model, and that after all this fucking time, Puck would get a fucking clue and realize that Quinn can't talk to him today, she couldn't talk to anyone. Not even the woman she shared a bed and life with.

In a week, Quinn will ring him, and Noah will come to New York, or some times Quinn will head out to LA and they'd get drunk and do whatever they had to do. Each year it was the same, and each year they both pretended that this was a new event and not the annual tradition Rachel knew it to be.

Rachel even tracked the flights both ways, just to make sure it was all going to plan and of course, she would act scandalized because Quinn could never stand someone being so understanding about something she considered so messed up. It just meant that Rachel had a weekend of worry in case Noah and Quinn would do something stupid and end up in jail or in the hospital or even both, but it at least gave her the chance to control the queue on Netflix.

She was in the process of scrambling eggs for Quinn, she'd never be able to eat bacon that went with it on other days, due to the strong memories of her pregnancy bacon cravings, and how Mrs Puckerman wouldn't let her eat it in the house because they were kosher. So some nights, Quinn had to sneak out at 3am to borrow Puck's car so she could go to the 24 hour diner near the interstate just to get some bacon.

The buzzer for their apartment went off and there was lots of traffic sounds, but no voices. If this was a prank call on today of all days, she'd be having some very serious words with their doorman.

"Today is not the day for this", she harshly whispered.

"Quinn?" There was a hesitancy to the voice, that was new to anyone that she knew. This could be a very dangerous visit.

"No, this is her wife. What do you want with Quinn?" Rachel sighed, she just needed to protect Quinn from whatever this was going to be.

"umm... I don't know if you know about me, but she's my biological mother."

"Beth." Rachel breathed out.

"You know who I am?" Beth sounded relieved that there wasn't going to be an awkward confrontation with her step-biological mother, 'is that even a thing?' she pondered.

"You can't be here. You just can't." Rachel was thinking of all things that could go wrong if she invited up Quinn's ticking time bomb into the apartment.

Beth was shocked, she had no words. This wasn't the running through the streets of New York towards each other and hugging that she had expected. "Beth... Beth, are you still there? It's not... It's complicated. I'll explain it to you in person. I have to finish some things up here and I will meet you downstairs in half an hour."

In a tiny voice Beth agreed, too shocked for anything else. She looked again at the envelope that she had found on the kitchen table yesterday.

Her mother had never mentioned her biological parents and was very hesitant to answer any questions about them, but yesterday, she found this envelope that had their information and a bus ticket to New York and the booking for a hotel with a note saying;

"_I know you were going to do this on your 18th birthday, but I just want you to be safe about it. Love, Mom._"

Her mother wasn't around to ask questions and was making herself scarce, so Beth packed a bag and headed to New York.

Now she was here, and apparently for nothing.

Rachel took her rapidly cooling eggs to Quinn, "I made you some eggs, hon, please try to eat some. I just need to go out for a bit. I'll be back as soon as I can." Quinn nodded, and dragged the plate towards her to pick at it.

"I don't know how you love me" Quinn whispered to Rachel's retreating back, as she went to the bathroom to get ready to met Beth.

'This isn't fair to anyone' Rachel thought as she brushed her teeth and stared into the mirror hoping she'd find some answers there, she was just hoping that she'd manage to keep the damage to a minimum.

"I love you", Rachel told Quinn as she kissed her goodbye. "I'll be back soon, just call if you need anything."

"Okay, love you too" she strained to get every word out, that the act of talking was causing physical pain.

When Rachel exited the elevator, she assumed that the teenager milling around the lobby was Beth, she could only see her back at the moment and the dark blonde hair was giving away no secrets.

"Beth?" she called through the lobby, except unlike the song, Beth heard it.

"Hi." Beth turned around and greeted Rachel only to do a double take when she saw her, why did Quinn's wife look so much like her mom? She didn't know how to even ask that, it didn't make sense. Is this some kind of joke?

"You don't know much about us at all, do you?" Rachel asked when she noticed just how lost and small she had gotten since she had called out Beth's name.

"No, my mom just gave me the names of my biological parents, and this address."

Rachel just looked at her because, how the fuck did Shelby even get their address? Shelby stopped sending emails years ago because Rachel never replied and Quinn would never give their address to them. There is a serious breach of privacy that she might mention to her agent.

"Did Shelb... uh... your mom ever talk about your biological parents?"

"No", Beth turned in herself more as she realised just how stupid she had been when she started on this quest.

Rachel remembered just how broken Quinn looked upstairs, and now just how broken Beth looked. Like mother, like daughter. It was meant to be some kind of joyous birthday reunion.

"I can't take you upstairs to the apartment, but you do deserve to be told some things. Come on, let's go get breakfast." Rachel led her outside and walked to a cafe on the corner in silence.

"Does she not want to see me?" Beth tentatively asked once they were seated.

"Oh honey, it is so much more complicated then that. Quinn loves you. She loves you with everything that she has, she just believes that everything she has is not enough for you and that because she abandoned you, in her mind, that this pain is her consequence."

"But why wouldn't she want to see me?" Beth had tears in her eyes, because she wanted to meet the person that gave up so much for her and to find out where things come from, like does she look like Quinn or her father or maybe someone else in the family line. She just wanted to know.

"It's not that she doesn't want to see you, it's just, I don't know. Every year on your birthday she gets very depressed and we can't reach her. She just spends the day thinking about you and everything she gave up, just to give you more opportunities than a homeless 16 year old could." Rachel kept looking for answers that were good for Beth, but she couldn't really give her anything.

"Homeless? Why was she homeless?"

Rachel was in too deep now, and she thought of when she met Shelby and how much it hurt to be rejected.

"Her parents are very conservative Christians, and when they found out that Quinn was pregnant, they threw her out of home." She didn't know why she was doing this, it wasn't her story to tell.

"Oh my god..." It was clear Beth really knew nothing of this story, then again, she doubted that Shelby even knew, let alone would tell Beth about it if she did.

"I met my birth mother when I was 16 and a sophomore. She concocted this entire plot so that I'd know who she was and then we'd meet each other. We met each other and it was awkward, she was expecting the baby she had given up and I was expecting a mother who would be my mom, you know, to talk to me about boys and life and who would sew my Glee costumes and just do motherly things. I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't what I got it, it was tense and not the reunion I was hoping for. I keep expecting her to one day to want to know me, but she doesn't and for the most part it doesn't bother me because my parents are my Dads and they love me, but on days like Mother's Day or just random little things it just unexpectedly hurts".

"You look like my mom, you know..." Beth thinks out loud.

"I know. I'm not surprised by it." Rachel just smiles like she has a secret.

"She's the woman from your story, isn't she? She was expecting a baby in you," Beth had to pause to take in a deep breath before announcing "and then adopted me."

"Yeah, that's not the point I was trying to make though. I was angry at her for a long time because she went to great lengths to meet me and then when it came down to it, she bailed. Every year I see Quinn break down because she has too many feelings when it comes to you, she knows how I feel about what Shelby did to me and she worries what it would do to you, if she did something similar." She tries to forget senior year and the trail of damage that left from Shelby being there and how it hurt everyone so much.

Rachel thinks that she gave Beth too much information all too quickly, because she is quiet as she picks at the eggs on the plate from her breakfast. Rachel smiles to herself and thinks that Quinn is currently doing the same thing.

"She's never mentioned you, I've seen articles on you in the Broadway magazines she gets, but she's never mentioned that you are her biological daughter or even that you are married to my biological mother." Beth seems to be seething at the information now.

"I also once dated your biological father too, if you want to go for the full set." Rachel goes for the full Broadway smile for her joke, and gets a Quinn Fabray glare in return, which makes her choke up a little bit because there is a lot of Quinn in the girl. There is also still a shattered Quinn that she doesn't know how to fix, and whether Beth will help in the process to do so.

"Look, some times we keep secrets because it hurts too much to talk about them or the fear that if there were another option, that would be the one you'd take. I don't think what Shelby did was right, but I think you turning up on our doorstep could hurt Quinn in many ways, I think she'd need to be prepared for this."

Beth is struggling to meet Rachel's eyes and is just thinking of when the next bus home is.

"Hey, I never said never, just maybe write a letter or email. Though, if you showed up on Noah's doorstep, you'd make his life. Quinn is just different." Rachel finds a piece of paper in her bag and writes down some details, "Okay, so here is our address, our phone numbers, our email addresses and Noah's too. I'll talk to them both, probably tomorrow and see what I can do."

Rachel reaches across the table for Beth's hand, "They never forgot about you. Not a day goes by where she doesn't think about you. This isn't her rejecting you, more of she has a Beth-sized shaped hole in her heart that she has had for 18 years, and the shock that you want to see her may just kill her." She knows it is a weak joke, but she hopes that is enough.

They stand outside the door, awkwardly, wondering what happens next. Rachel goes in for the hug, having to reach up because of course the daughter of Quinn and Noah is significantly taller then her. "We are family, even if it doesn't feel like it now. Call me anytime and write to Quinn. She likes handwritten letters, she likes to see the character in people's handwriting."

Beth lights up like that is exactly what she thinks, and promises to keep in touch.

They both walk away with memories of terrible experiences with their biological mothers from unfilled exceptions, but hope that the future is going to be different.


End file.
